Reflections 29

I just hope you can see
its not you I hate,
its me.
I see my reflection
in the dull bits of your smile
And the scars on our arms
well,
mine are for my fathers charm
I won't eat anymore
to try to keep my demons at bay
it never works
I'll try it anyway.
And the drugs just liquify my mind
and take myself from me
So I'll drown myself in poison
in a land of misery
And this whole
piece of writing
is just filth and trash
a little sad girl,
with some sad words
sitting in a pile of ash.
And love is
just not something real to me
its deceit of oneself,
a twisted fantasy
a cheap escape from reality
masking true feelings with sensuality.
If you can't tell
I've been heart broken
by just too many a man.
I've got to build myself a new me,
a new plan
perhaps a new wall
or a new fascade
or I could try to go for something real
but thats just too hard.
I'm weak afterall
although I'll tell you not
I just dye my hair crazy colors
and smoke a ton of pot.
And I'll dream about making this into a song
and singing it to only you
because I'd like to pretend
you're the one that got me through
but if we're talking about reality
what has really gotten me here
is the drugs that glued me together
and my fear.
And I don't like the government
I don't like a damn thing about the way things run
but as strongly as I feel
they've won.
I hate myself for
my not so slender physique
and my thoughts that I name
unique.
And I desire the love
and attention you've got
I just want you all
to give me a shot.